Monday, May 29, 2017



Cmmdr and Ensign are being seated at a restaurant.

ENSIGN: This will drive me out of my mind.
CMMDR: What? The present moment?
ENSIGN: No, that noise.
CMMDR. What noise?
CMMDR: You mean the sound of the restaurant? The ambience?
ENSIGN: Yes, that, and the air conditioning, and the kitchen, and the cars from outside going by, and when I move my legs, and-
CMMDR: We can ask if they have a coffin we can sit in.
ENSIGN: Never mind.
WAITRESS (arriving):  Good evening.
ENSIGN: Don’t mind him.
WAITRESS: Why would I mind him?
ENSIGN: I’m just saying.
CMMDR: You have a lovely accent. Where are you from?
ENSIGN: Seriously?
CMMDR: I’m sorry.
WAITRESS: It’s OK. Bulgaria.
CMMDR: Sofia?
WAITRESS: Near Sofia.
ENSIGN: Can we sit at a different table?
ENSIGN: No reason, but I’m perpetually antagonistic and confrontational and never satisfied and want to move to a different table.
CMMDR: Hey, why don’t you switch seats with me. Even though I just has major surgery on my knee and took this seat so my leg could stretch out, I’ll let you sit here and hopefully that will somehow appease your need to be a pain in everyone’s ass.

(The ENSIGN and CMMDR switch seats).

ENSIGN: My manager is a worthless cunt.
CMMDR: You’re welcome. I’m sorry miss, give us a moment with the menu?
CMMDR: This place is great.
ENSIGN: If you like nice restaurants.
CMMDR: You’re not happy with it?
ENSIGN: Happy? HAPPY??? MY ARC IS ENDING!! I HAVE NOTHING!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO?? And by the way, I have to go to the ATM.
ENSIGN: Yeah, I don’t have any cash.
CMMDR: Sure.
ENSIGN: Or you can pay for it and I’ll take care of it later.
CMMDR: It doesn’t matter.

(To be continued….)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

'even though I just HAS.....". Threw me off.