Sunday, May 28, 2017

A Nosh Dept.

-CMMDR and Ensign are being seated at a restaurant--beneath a noisy air duct.---

ENSIGN: This will drive me out of my mind.
Cmmdr: Breathing?
E: No
C: Being awake? Thinking?  What could it be I WONDER!
E: This heating duct. Dont you hear it?
C: Um-
E: Its like I'm sitting at Bikini Island.
C: What's Biki--
E: NEVERMIND. I'll live with it.
(Waitress arrives.)
Waitress: Good evening.
C:  Hello Miss. I live around here. For five years.
E:  And I'm in Quantico--so far who do you like better?
W: (confused) Here's the menu and----
C: I've done 400 shows on television.
E: She doesn't care.
E: While Grandpa here is having a stroke would it be possible to move to a table that's not below a jack hammer?
W: (gesturing to a completely empty restuarant) All these other tables are taken.
E: With CASPER and Family???
C: (to waitress) Look what I'm lumbered with. Did you know I play Sax?
W: Uh, no, I just-
C: Well,  I had a lesson today---
W: Well great, I used to play the clarinet
C: Benny Goodman? I have his records. I have a lot of records.  Also CDs.
W: Uh Huh
C: And I had a cat named Beanie, I just had knee surgery, and--
E: Jesus, god, STOP. (to waitress) Can you YELL us the specials?
W: I'll be right back.
C: This place is great.....
E: If you're a fan of leaf blowers.
C: .....HEY! I'm going to get a lot of money back.
E: Great. Why?
C: I'm not sure, for the Workman's insurance thing,  but I don't know, maybe not, I hope I do, they haven't told me,
E: Who is THEY?
C: But then again I might not.
E: So, I'm confused, you're NOT getting money back?  You just said-
C: Well, I MIGHT, if they decide but I also couldn't get it. (pause) It depends.
E: .......Okay--That story lagged a bit in the middle.....
C: .......What else do you have?
E: Other than this Cessna landing in my cochlea?  Seriously?
(Waitress returns)
W: Our specials tonight are-(unintelligible due to noise)....with a buttery sauce...Any questions?
C:  Do you have a White Fish? Or Blue fish? Those are really good fishes to serve.
W: No, I mean, yes they ARE wonderful fishes but that's not-
C: TORO? Do you have toro?
C: I know but I was just saying I've had those fish in the past.
E: And I had Mono when I was 15--SO WHAT? (to waitress) Where are you from?
W: Belgium, I-
CMMDR: Belgium is a country, yes?  I can speak some French!
CMMDR:  Another country is Newfoundland.  I was just there. Great people.
W: Um--would you like to order?

-----to be continued

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