Why Magnificent -- That nose! You pug, you knob, you button-head, Know that I glory in this nose of yours For a great nose indicate a great man Genial, courteous, intellectual, Virile, courageous as You are and such!
Take notice, all Who find this feature of his countenance A theme for comedy! Whe Is noble, then my custom is to show Appreciation proper to his rank More heartfelt and more pointed...
Why, what might have been said -- Oh, a great many things! Mon dieu, why waste Your opportunity? For example, thus: -- AGGRESSIVE: I, sir, if that nose were mine, I'd have it amputated on the spot! FRIENDLY: How do you drink with You ought to have a cup made specially! DESCRIPTIVE: Tis a rock, a crag a cape A cape? say rather, a peninsula! INQUISITIVE: What is that receptacle A razor case or a portfolio? KINDLY: Ah, do you love the little birds So much that when they come and sing to you, You give them this to perch on? INSOLENT: Sir, when you smoke, the neighbors must suppose Your chimney is on fire. CAUTIOUS: Take care A weight like that might make you top-heavy. THOUGHTFUL: Somebody fetch my parasol Those delicate colors fade so in the sun! PEDANTIC: Does not Aristophanes Mention a mythologic monster called Hippocampelephentocamelos? Surely we have here the original! FAMILIAR: Well, old torchlight! Hang your hat Over that chandelier it hurts my eyes. ELOQUENT: When it blows, the typhoon howls, And the clouds darken. DRAMATIC: When it bleeds The Red Sea! ENTERPRISING: What a sign for some perfumer! LYRIC: Hark the horn of Roland calls To summon Charlemagne! SIMPLE: When do they unveil the monument? RESPECTFUL: Sir, I recognize in you A man of parts, a man of prominence RUSTIC: Eh? What? Call that a nose? Naw Naw I be no fool like what you think I be That theres a cucumber! MILITARY: point against cavalry! PRACTICAL: Why not a lottery? With this for the grand prize? Or parodying Faustus in the play Was this the nose that launched a thousand ships And burned the topless towers of Ilium?
These, my dear sir, are things you might have said Had you some tinge of letters, or of wit To color your discourse. But wit not so, You never had an atom and of letters, You need but three to write you down Aye Ess Ess Moreover if you had the invention, here, Before these folks, to make a jest of me Be sure you would not then articulate The twentieth part of half a syllable Of the beginning! For I say these things Lightly enough myself, ABOUT myself, But, I allow none else to utter them.
7 comments:
I don't know about the career going south...
But the nose was definitely heading due west.
15 years later, jokes about the nose still fucking irk me.
Why Magnificent -- That nose!
You pug, you knob, you button-head,
Know that I glory in this nose of yours
For a great nose indicate a great man
Genial, courteous, intellectual,
Virile, courageous as You are and such!
Take notice, all
Who find this feature of his countenance
A theme for comedy! Whe
Is noble, then my custom is to show
Appreciation proper to his rank
More heartfelt and more pointed...
Why, what might have been said --
Oh, a great many things! Mon dieu, why waste
Your opportunity? For example, thus: --
AGGRESSIVE: I, sir, if that nose were mine,
I'd have it amputated on the spot!
FRIENDLY: How do you drink with
You ought to have a cup made specially!
DESCRIPTIVE: Tis a rock, a crag a cape
A cape? say rather, a peninsula!
INQUISITIVE: What is that receptacle
A razor case or a portfolio?
KINDLY: Ah, do you love the little birds
So much that when they come and sing to you,
You give them this to perch on?
INSOLENT: Sir, when you smoke, the neighbors must suppose
Your chimney is on fire.
CAUTIOUS: Take care
A weight like that might make you top-heavy.
THOUGHTFUL: Somebody fetch my parasol
Those delicate colors fade so in the sun!
PEDANTIC: Does not Aristophanes
Mention a mythologic monster called
Hippocampelephentocamelos?
Surely we have here the original!
FAMILIAR: Well, old torchlight! Hang your hat
Over that chandelier it hurts my eyes.
ELOQUENT: When it blows, the typhoon howls,
And the clouds darken.
DRAMATIC: When it bleeds The Red Sea!
ENTERPRISING: What a sign for some perfumer!
LYRIC: Hark the horn of Roland calls
To summon Charlemagne!
SIMPLE: When do they unveil the monument?
RESPECTFUL: Sir, I recognize in you
A man of parts, a man of prominence
RUSTIC: Eh? What? Call that a nose? Naw Naw
I be no fool like what you think I be
That theres a cucumber!
MILITARY: point against cavalry!
PRACTICAL: Why not a lottery?
With this for the grand prize?
Or parodying Faustus in the play
Was this the nose that launched a thousand ships
And burned the topless towers of Ilium?
These, my dear sir, are things you might have said
Had you some tinge of letters, or of wit
To color your discourse. But wit not so,
You never had an atom and of letters,
You need but three to write you down Aye Ess Ess
Moreover if you had the invention, here,
Before these folks, to make a jest of me
Be sure you would not then articulate
The twentieth part of half a syllable
Of the beginning! For I say these things
Lightly enough myself, ABOUT myself,
But, I allow none else to utter them.
Say, rather, a peninsula...genius.
That said, this is just MORE JOKES about the nose. But the acting just was ignored. I should just end it right here.
"Oh your nose is very."
She looks more like him than I do..
"It's your nose, you know.
Fans are funny that way, they take a dislike to things.
They'll pick on a nose."
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