CMMDR PREDICTED TO REMAIN AN IDIOT FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!

A consortium of soothsayers, seers, psychics, and a group of international governmental think tanks have predicted the Cmmdr will stay an idiot until his natural death. The report, issued today in Nature, shows all signs lean towards this sad fact. A spokesman for the Think Tank syndicate, Leon Belbaumberg, stated that the Cmmdr has no chance of ceasing to be an idiot. ‘We know he’s a failure, a fool, and a nitwit, and of course have always known he’s an idiot, but what we didn’t know until now is that he will always be an idiot,” said Belbaumberg. The Cmmdr, reached at the stationery section of a large drug store in Encino, California, said he didn’t care. “I have stuff to do, I have a a vast collection of lint I’m cataloging, so fuck you,” said the plump, shiny-pated, useless worm.