Cmmdr Bids Adieu!

After more than three decades of sporadic and inconsequential employment in the entertainment industry, the Cmmdr has issued an edict of self-dismissal. Felled by disappointment and lack of recognition, the short, shoddy character man is moving on. To where and to what is anyone’s guess. But the writing on the wall motivated the sad little freak to throw it in. The dreams of glory which buoyed the squat bald man in his youth have sank and soured over the years, years measured out in shared cards and deleted scenes, in botched opportunities and in bad choices. “He was never acknowledged, I mean, throughout his whole career,” said Heffron Cornbloom, subscription editor for Back Stage, a weekly industry trade journal. “His peers, his colleagues- everyone kind of realized early on that he was, you know, somewhat competent, but not, you know, the real deal,” continued Mr. Cornbloom. Indeed, any success the third-rate thespian attained has been attributed to pure luck and a few, now no longer friendly, contacts. Bottom line, the work he did was just plain bad. Most of the roles he played had a generality to them, an earnestness, a puerile shabbiness. Still, his mediocrity was ground-breaking in it’s own way. “He led the way for failures,” said Gabby Rheinstein, an office assistant at Endeavor Agency. “Before the Cmmdr, bad actors just didn’t have a chance,” added Rheinstein. So God bless him – the Cmmdr inspired a lot of talent less hacks to give a try. Now, as his paltry career is clouded by the shadow of evening, we can only hope he finds some peace in his next endeavor.