Doctors at New York Presbyterian revealed today that skin shedding from The Spoiler cures all cancer. Tears from his eyes cure blindness. A sprinkle of his blood reverses diabetes. A drop of his urine brings back youth. The Spoiler sneezed on a woman in Montreal recently; she had not walked in twenty years, and is now competeing in triathalons. But most shocking, rubbing a corpse with clothes the spoiler has worn on raises it from the dead!
In another item, being within a mile of the Cmmdr creates disorientation in men over 19. Simply viewing the Cmmdr on screen will cause seizure. Seeing the Cmmdr in the flesh results in failure and death.
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