We Answer Our Mail

READER'S MAIL

Q: What’s with the Mueller Report?  And why would anyone do a report on Noodles?

A: We’ve been scratching our heads about that as well.  But we like our reports like our pasta: A little Al Dente and a lot Al Hirt. (Long Live Tiajuana Taxi)
 Curiously the Cmmdr is in fact mentioned in a little passage in Vol. 2 of the report where it says “a REDACTED  wobbled into REDACTED yelling  “REDACTED got that  two-line REDACTED REDACTED while I REDACTED creamed herring.”

Q:  Settle a bet. My Wife says you guys have run out of things to mock as evidenced by the lack of posts. I say its because one of you died.   Who’s Right? 

A:  Define “DIED”. 

Q:  I’m confused-Is there such a thing as Free Will? And if so, which one should i get: HBO NOW or HBO GO? 

A: Hey, confused, pay attention. Sometimes this is referred to as determinism and indeterminism. Other times its just “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”  Look at it this way-The CMMDR wrote “LIVE IN ENGLAND” on his bucket list right above a cryptic “Michael Bay?”.  One has come true through the endless chain of causality and the other is labeled by philosophers as “fat chance”.  As far as HBO Go goes (see what I did there?)-“VICE PRINCIPALS” Anyone?

Q:  One day it’s cold. The next it’s hot.  It’s May. What is this bullshit? 

A:  Man Made global warming is the biggest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people. And the CMMDR still regrets selling what is now Beach Front property in Callicoon Center. 

Q: Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

A:  Good one. Our guess: Allergies and Athlete’s foot?  

Q: Imagine that a farmer has a sack containing 100 lbs of potatoes. The potatoes, he discovers, are comprised of 99% water and 1% solids, so he leaves them in the heat of the sun for a day to let the amount of water in them reduce to 98%. But when he returns to them the day after, he finds his 100 lb sack now weighs just 50 lbs. How can this be true?

A: Jesus...Have you seen the CMMDR lately?