Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Nosh 3 (Cont......)

-Back Kitchen of Nice restaurant cont....

Waitress: (running to the back-breathless) You've got to help me-- I got some live ones.
Manager: Good, cause those dead ones never pay.
W: I'm serious. (points)  Look over there- see the two Grandpas?
Manager: That Squat Bald Potato talking to the Corpse of a Rabbi?
W: Yes...The one with beard hasn't stopped complaining since he walked in.  He actually asked if he could change restaurants.
Manager: He reminds me of someone who's dead. And the cue ball?
W: He doesn't shut up. I asked if they wanted water and He  said that the relative minor of Bb major was G.
M: I'll handle them.
W: Whatever you do-don't mention the sax. 

(The CMMDR is mid-story. Ensign has just about had it. )

CMMDR: (knowing he's boring but really can't stop)...and I KNOW I nailed it but.....I didn't get it.
E: Huh.  (Coming in for the kill) This sounds familiar--When was this?
C: (Pause-knowing he's about to be shamed) Five years ago. That doesn't make it hurt any less...  
     (Knowing what the E. is thinking)  Oh, and YOU never repeat yourself?
E: Oh I do. You know how many times I've said YOU'VE TOLD ME?

(Manager comes to table)

MANAGER: (interrupting) Gentlemen?
C: (excited to talk to someone else) I LIVE AROUND HERE. We Rented and then Bought. There was this funny thing that happened with the movers, first they sent the wrong couch and then--
E: Wait'll he gets to the part about "boxes of books".  Some surprises there. You'll want to remember this for your grandchildren.
MANAGER: (confused)  Let me just introduce myself:  I'm the owner.  My wife is the cook. We have lots of things with sauces on them.  I understand there's a problem?
C: I've had two surgeries on the same knee and I had to turn down a job because of Maine.
E: What the hell are you talking about? You didn't GET that job. You didn't even audition for it.
E: (realizing Manager is still standing there) Is there a reason you're still standing there? Can't you see we're talking?
MANAGER: Um, would you like to hear the specials?
C: Do you have TORO? Also I love eating Herring. And I have a postal box Mid-town.
MANAGER: (These guys are insane) I'm not sure--
C: (to the point) Which one of us do you think has played more caustic hebraic lawyers?
E: (Done with the whole thing) And then which one of us Emcees Star Trek Jeopardys for a living?
MANAGER: ...............
E: Look Buddy---One of us only plays friends of neighbors.  And the other one plays powerful men who die. Wanna Guess?
MANAGER: I don't have any idea what---
C:  Okay--here's an easier one: SKIPPY or AL. YOU CHOOSE.
MANAGER: Will you excuse me?
(he leaves)
E: Oh sure--He's going to cheat and Google it.
C: Why'd you have to bring up That Jeopardy thing?
E: Here's a better question: Can we leave?

(Manager finds waitress)

MANAGER: (sotto) I'm selling the restaurant.

To be continued......

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