We caught up with the dwarfesque non-doer over coffee recently in a diner near his burrow. He seems different than on his infrequent co-star outings; even smaller and chunkier in person, with an aged tuber-like visage and a frightened mien. Wrinkled by anxiety and desperation, the disadvantaged dud seemed ill at ease during the interview.
“What’s up?’ we asked.
“Well, listen,” he mumbled between mouthfuls of egg and cheese.
“You’re a senior citizen now,” we asked. “How does that make you feel?”
“Like I want to rip out my brain and shove it up my ass,” replied the rarely employed deadbeat.
“We heard you were just on some TV episode,” we volunteered.
“Why don’t you just stone me?” asked the little down-and-outer, suddenly angered. “Bury me up to my neck and throw rocks at me?”
“We’re just trying to get a feel for what’s going on, career-wise,” we replied.
“Listen,” said the flop, “my career is dark matter.” The slug put his fork down and looked at us. “It’s hypothetical, it can’t be seen. That it even exists is inferred from IMDB. I just played a character named MORRIS WEINER! We’re talking sewage. So if you want a ‘feel’ for what’s going on, career-wise, with me, you’ll have to go fuck yourselves ASAP and let me finish my breakfast.” At that the washout resumed shoveling hash browns into his cakehole.
“Well,” we said, refusing to be deterred, “what’s the word from your fans?”
“Who sent you here?” asked the non-contributor, “Bashar al-Assad?”
We chuckled at this.
(to be continued)