Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Mailbag was filled this month!
Let's see what's on your mind.

Q: What's this crap about Black Holes and Black Matter? 

               Lucy (Name withheld on request)
               Loafers Glory, North Carolina

A: Dear Lucy

This comes up a lot. Its still a bit of a mystery....What we DO know about Black Holes is that once matter is IN one it can no longer be seen---hence the name.  But, out of sight doesn't necessarily mean out of mind, as they still exert a gravitational force due to their mass.

We know you were probably expecting some 'joke' regarding the CMMDR's career being similar to black matter as we don't know what it is and we can't see it, but we will leave this kind of obvious humor to others. However, now that we're on the topic, did you ever see the RIZZOLI AND ISLES episode? NO?  QED!   Click here: RIZZOLI AND ISLES.

Q:  Settle a Bet!

            Cranky Corners, Louisiana 

A:  Dear Anxious

We need more information to answer this correctly...but here's our best guess: Probably not.

Hope that helps.

Q:  Do you guys ever just shut the fuck up? I mean, c'mon!

           Talentworks, NY

A:   Please calm down.  There is no need to be rude.  Here's a typical conversation:

C-Well, listen.
E-Did you download the thing I sent you?, because, well, I'll get to it.

E-What's the problem?
C-Its just, I don't really...
-another god awful pause-

E-Don't really WHAT?
C-It's I, because, you see-
E-You're afraid, aren't you?
C-No, Heh hehe, I-
E-Yes you are.  You're afraid to DOWNLOAD something.
C-So much could go wrong.
E-Like what?
C-I, Um, Oh, getting another call..

Q: Here's something I've always wondered...what's the derivation of the phrase "TO BUTTER SOMEONE UP"?  

     Bald Knob, Arkansas

p.s. Please no more pictures of the Ensign in that batteries movie.  

pps.  You guys are kind of assholes.

 A: OUCH! But, nevertheless, a good question!  Buttering someone up means to flatter them to get them to do something for you that perhaps they wouldn't do otherwise. There is no literal butter involved. But,  oddly enough, it comes from an ancient Indian custom involved throwing balls of clarified butter at statues of the gods to seek favor.  Seriously.   

The CMMDR uses so much butter that when he travels he purchases a seperate seat for his cholesterol.   He Butters Up his agents so much when he calls them he wears a lobster bib. Butter Up?  In High School he was voted Most Likely To Butter Up Anyone Anywhere.  

Speaking of butter----Have you ever read the Neelix Cook Book? 

Here's a small smattering of reviews:
"The Peptide Cake recipe does not specify the pan size." 
 " nearly everything about the book is dull, uninteresting and uninformative".  
FOR MORE: CLICK  The Joys Of Mocking   
Not much about butter, but so what? 

Till next time.....

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