Math Corner

EYES ON YOUR OWN PAPER

If The Ensign has 3 apples and he gives two apples to The CMMDR and one to Stan Lotwin, how many apples will The Ensign need before his latest agents drop him?

If The CMMDR has five lemons and loses two of them, will he have more lemons than lines in his next role?

The Ensign has a newspaper route. He delivers ten papers in  12 minutes. He has to deliver 45 papers to be paid.  How many minutes will it take him to alienate The few friends he has left? Please show your work.

The CMMDR goes fishing and catches seven fish in sixteen minutes. The next 13 minutes he catches no fish, and by then five of the seven fishes he had caught have jumped off the boat. How many fishes will he have to catch to cease being a short bald fat freak? Turn in your pencils when done.

The CMMDR gains ten pounds on Tuesday and gains three more on Friday. How many more pounds does he need to gain before he cannot fit in the gun store?

The CMMDR gets two offers: the first is one day with two lines for $100. The second is for three days with one speech and three lines for $269. How many people should The CMMDR ask for advice before self-hatred renders him incapable of doing either job? Turn in to Ms. Johnson by 3 pm.

Multiple choice. Which character did The CMMDR not play?
A. Cubby
B. Junior
C. Senator Steelman
D. Corky
E. A Potato
F.  The CMMDR played them all.


The CMMDR and two cantaloupes weight 340 Pounds.  The Ensign and four watermelons weigh 423 Pounds. All Watermelons weigh the same and all Cantaloupes weigh the same.    Why would anyone bother with either of them when ANYONE ELSE is available?

The Ensign measured his pulse and found his heart beat at a rate of 82 beats per minute at rest. At this rate, how many days will it take for his unemployment insurance to run out?

If The CMMDR eats 3400 calories on Tuesday and sits in his easy chair all day, and on Wednesday gorges on a half a cake and three scoops of ice cream and takes a long nap, how many times will he have to self-tape before his agent begs him to never self-tape again?

If The Ensign complains to 3 people at 9 am and then complains to 4 people at 10 am, 5 People at 11 am and so on for one week from 9 to 5 each day  how many times will he have mentioned State Of Affairs?

The CMMDR has a gun, a noose, a machete, and a vial of hemlock. He is standing on the George Washington Bridge with a knife and a faulty hang glider. Will his obit mention Jag? Please express your answer in fractions.

 EXTRA CREDIT: 

The CMMDR has twelve cats. If he skins one each month for five months, but then skins a ferret and three minks, how many rodents will he have to skin before he can interest HBO in doing a series about the life of Al Archer?