ENSIGN: What are you hiding?
CMMDR: What? Nothing.
ENSIGN: You’ve got something, I’m not sure what it is. But it matters a great deal.
CMMDR: I don’t have anything.
ENSIGN: Why are you LYING!!!!
CMMDR. OK. OK. Relax.
ENSIGN: I knew it.
CMMDR: I have an audition.
ENSIGN: GODDMANIT!!! GODDAMNIT TO HELL!!!
CMMDR: Dial it back, please.
ENSIGN: I AM SHIT! I AM NOTHING. I HAVE NOTHING!!!
CMMDR: Would you relax! It’s an audition for a voiceover demo, if I get it, it’s scale plus ten, maybe $300.00.
CMMDR: It’s nothing.
ENSIGN: It’s nothing. It really isn’t, is it?
CMMDR: It isn’t anything.
ENSIGN: It’s crap. VERY LITTLE MONEY. And after taxes, you’ll see practically nothing.
CMMDR: Of course, if I get it and it goes…..
ENSIGN: FUCK ME!!! FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!
CMMDR: If it goes, it could mean a great deal of income.
ENSIGN: IF IT GOES I WILL KILL MYSELF BUT FIRST I WILL TAKE OUT MANY OTHERS!!!! FUUUUUUCK!!!
CMMDR: Take it easy. My agent told me they want a woman doing the voice.
ENSIGN: A woman?
ENSIGN: So…. There isn’t a chance they’ll hire you?
ENSIGN: Well. So… that means… you won’t be getting it.
ENSIGN: Whew. OK. OK. Good.
CMMDR: Though I did hear they may do a version with a man’s voice as well-
ENSIGN: I AM AS DEATH, I AM WITHOUT, I AM BEREFT. MY LIFE IS WARM SHIT ON A STICK. THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING-
CMMDR. Easy, easy. It won’t be me. I’m not reading for that spot.
ENSIGN: Really? You won’t get a shot at it?
CMMDR: Not a chance.
ENSIGN: (singing) “… ding dong the bells are gonna ring!!!’
CMMDR: Unless of course-
ENSIGN: GET ME A GLOCK!!!!!
(CMMDR hangs up.)