CMMDR: (Graciously). Hello?
ENSIGN: (Angry.) Hello? That's it?
CMMDR: (Contrite.) Sorry. Hi.
ENSIGN: (Caustic.) Oh, ‘hi?’ HI? HI!!!!!
CMMDR: (Friendly). What's up?
ENSIGN: (Pissed.) What's up? You know, fuck you.
CMMDR: (Taken aback.) Jeeze.
ENSIGN: (Insinuating.) Calling me on your little phone?
CMMDR: (Coping.) Actually yes I am.
ENSIGN: (Baiting.) Why don’t you upgrade to a 6. Is it too hard for Mr. Money Bags to upgrade?
CMMDR: (Being realistic.) This phone works fine.
ENSIGN: (Argumentative.) Define ‘fine.’
CMMDR: (Honest.) It works.
ENSIGN: (Downtrodden.) Right. It works. Everything works but me.
CMMDR: (New tact.) Where are you?
ENSIGN: (Peeved.) Jesus. Let me wait while you realize what a stupid question that is.
CMMDR: (Lost.) Sorry.
ENSIGN: (Enraged.)You’re sorry?
CMMDR: (Trying.) It’s a beautiful day out there. Have you been out?
ENSIGN: (Scathing). Yeah, for you, for you it’s perfect.
CMMDR: (Pointing out a fact). It’s not perfect for me.
ENSIGN: (Attempting humor). I’m ‘FWHACFRONLPOUKWWDRBJJIOOUYRRXWEED.’
CMMDR: (Begging off). You know, I’m not even gonna try. It’s ‘Fellow Who…’ and then I just can’t find the energy.
ENSIGN: (Biting.) Oh, tired from having?
CMMDR: (Baffled).You act like I-
ENSIGN: (Screaming.) I don’t act! That’s the problem! JESUS!
CMMDR: (Finished). Listen, I have to g-
ENSIGN: (Falsely). Oh, sorry, I am so sorry, please, sorry for calling, I’ll just move on.
CMMDR: (Really needing to move on). No, it’s just that I have to deal with something.
ENSIGN: (Hopeless rage). WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THAT YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH?! THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!
CMMDR: (Done.) I have to use the john. Is that OK?
ENSIGN: (Authoritarian.) ‘Ya know, that’s not OK.
CMMDR: (Brave). Bye. (Hangs up).