Tuesday, February 03, 2015
CMMDR and ENSIGN WORK IT OUT Dept.
(Horrible Loud Sushi Bar Near Cabrini---mid-conversation)
CMMDR: You're Set.
ENSIGN: You're Set.
C: (annoyed) You're all set.
E: (annoyed) No, you're all set.
C: (annoyed) How am I all set? You're more Set than Me.
E: (annoyed) WHAT? You are so much more SET.
C: (annoyed) No. I am, in fact, less SET.
E: (annoyed) Christ, It is impossible to be Less Set than me.
C: (annoyed) Impossible or not: I am of the lesser SET.
E: (annoyed) Can't be...You'd be in Negative Set territory. There is no such thing.
C: (annoyed) I am living proof of Set Negativity.
E: (annoyed) You are Set Double Plus. While I am Nothing Non-Set.
C: (annoyed) I am LESS than that. I am -.00005 Less set than you.
(Ensign-annoyed- unfolds large piece of paper--moves aside the ten plates in front of CMMDR and spreads it out)
E: Look at this.
C: What's that?
E: A SET Chart.
C: A SET Chart?
E: (annoyed) What did I just say?
C: (annoyed) Wow.
(They both look at the set chart)
C: (Pointing)What's that represent?
C: And this over here?
C & E: Hmmmm.... (they think)
E: See, there, you have..(points to red line)
C: Yes, but jeez, look at your--(Points to other red line)
(Everyone is annoyed)
E: That is irrelevant.
C: How is that irrelevant?? This is you HAVING.
E: NOT AT ALL. That's an old line from 1987. What about this? (Points to Purple Line)
C: THAT IS SKEWED because of Two Lousy Days on...(Points to Orange Line)
E: TWO DAYS! That's more than this! (Points to yellow line..)
(Pause while they mull..)
C: (tentative in dangerous territory) Oh, look at the time...I have to go.
C: (OH LORD SAVE ME) I have to--um....
(uncomfortable horrible pause. E. is VERY ANNOYED.)
E: (suspicious) Yes?
C: (DEATH)...Um...Nothing, just-
C: (Caught. Ashamed. Praying to A Higher Power to Die on the spot)Something, I don't want to-
C: (Unable to Control Bowels, Sobbing, Nose Starts to bleed) Please, its just... (Leaves Trailing Blood and Urine)
E: (Calls after him) YOU HAVE SOMETHING ! I'm RE-DOING THE CHART. (SCREAMS LOUDER THAN ANYONE HAS EVER HEARD BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD) LIAR!
(waitress comes over)
Waitress: I your Chi-nese Way-tress. I No Speak English..Any-ring else? (Pause) You All Set?
to be continued...
To blame: Ensign at 10:41 AM