Random House Makes an Odd Bet on ENSIGN’S AUTO-BIO By ALEXANDRA ALTER OCTOBER 7, 2014 2:03 PM

By ALEXANDRA ALTER OCTOBER 7, 2014 2:03 PM

Random House is making a big investment in a 62-year-old middling-thesp’s life story.

The Ensign’s autobiography tentatively titled “The Cutting Jew,” set off a pathetic bidding war among 2 publishers. It sold to Random House for a rumored one figure, according to Publishers Weekly. The producer Scott Rudin passed on the film rights before the book even went to auction. ‘We film stories, not accidents,’ snorted Mr. Rudin over some oysters at the Palm.

The title is still not finalized. Also being considered: ‘The Mean One,’ ‘ Lopes Too,’  ‘You Better Watch Out, You Better Not Mis-Spell,’ Not So Dominant,’ and ‘Jews Who Abuse. ’

“Random House is not very bullish about the book nor his future nor his place in the cultural landscape,” said Sid Grindbaum, the Ensign’s literary agent, who declined to confirm the amount of the advance, though rumors put at as equal to a residual from Talent For the Game.

The tome will cover the early years, the dysfunction, the deficiencies, and move on to the early promise and demented hope, the eventual anger and finally the deep and unending bitterness.