Saturday, February 08, 2014

News From Around The Web Dept.

In 2013 the Ensign had one job.  In July.  Two days on an Independent Film shot in the bowels of Brooklyn during the hottest weekend ever recorded on earth.   AFRICA HOT. Scenes were repeated over and over, lines improvised, Your Fat-E. actually losing his temper  (IMAGINE!) at the amateurish incompetence of the entire affair. But he was truly, only, mad at himself.   This was the only job the E-boy had had.  It didn't even rise to the level of his infamous guesting on MATLOCK (where the director of that little parlor confection said the following opening P to King 4 "As we used to say on ALF.."  It was worse than that time in Florida where E The ARROGANT refused to take an unpaid forced call and sat in the lobby of his hotel while the Producer yelled and threatened to fire him.  Worse even than CSI:Classic Coke  where he was repeatedly called "David".

But, as happens in the life of an actor (nee WHORE)  a few weeks ago said ENS. received a mass e-mail telling him that the film he had loathed so much was opening at the Berlin Film Festival.  And then SxSW! "Well well well"  intoned a small inner voice from beneath the sound of his father guzzling Beefeater gin, perhaps the steaming pile  was way better than he thought!  Maybe The beautiful tall German Commandant Filmmaker had pulled it out of her goose stepping bag, the editing had been magical, and it was transformed from dung into the erotic emotional thriller it was meant to be! Of course it Had.  He'd been wrong before. YES!  This inspirational fable was  going to take home the Golden Swastika at the Fest and would kick the E. back into the Casting World's radar, giving him one last heave-ho in the twilight of his quickly fading years!! A reason TO LIVE. FINALLY.

So, on this cold grey winter morning Old E-Loser got up, made a cup of strong black Dickasons , and decided to google around the inter-web  to see if there were any reviews.
And Google replied: Yes.  There is a review.
Just one. Do you want to see it?
And E-Desperate clicked yes:

a new york city sex surrogate suffers a vaguely lynchian breakdown that's somehow connected to the tiles in her shower or something.......i thought this was formless and facile garbage. ........would recommend SXSW audiences avoid.

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