New CMMDR Interview

HWHN caught up with the CMMDR recently at a small diner on 149^th and St. Nicholas. The interview follows.

HWHN. Do you want to face the wall or the room?

CMMDR. Does it even matter?

HWHN. No I guess-

CMMDR. I’ll face the wall.

HWHN. Thanks for meeting with us.

CMMDR. Yeah. I needed a break anyway from gathering information.

HWHN. Oh? For projects, things like that?

CMMDR. No. Mostly info on gun maintenance.

HWHN. I’m not sure-

The waiter arrives.

CMMDR: I’ll have the strudel waffles with pound cake and macaroni and cheese. And…. cheese cake – can you deep fry the cheese cake?

WAITER. I’ll ask.

CMMDR. If not, just soak it in lard. And some bacon sausage and a hot beef sundae with charred ends.

HWHN. Coffee please, black.

The waiter leaves.

CMMDR. I picked up a bad cold in London.

HWHN. Filming there?

CMMDR. No. I was signing my name on photographs of an alien spaceman I played in a third rate series which went off the air over a decade ago.

HWHN. It’s funny where life takes us.

CMMDR. Funny? FUNNY? Like HA HA HA HA HA??!

HWHN. You appear in the Coen’s next film.

CMMDR. ‘Appear.’ Then disappear. Much like a flicker. Ever light a match in a wind storm?

HWHN. In any event, that should have a pleasant impact on your career.

CMMDR Have you been snorting Percocet?

HWHN. Listen, there’s no need to get snarky.

CMMDR. OK.

HWHN. Well. Let’s… see …  you’ve never been honored. Never won any awards for your work, never really received any recognition from the industry, from your peers.

CMMDR. Quite true. You’re correct.

HWHN. It’s been a quiet career in many ways-

CMMDR. You’ve done your homework.

HWHN. There has been no heat, no real buzz on you for the most part, and I guess we’re wondering, does this lack of acknowledgment, this ‘never playing the important part’-

CMMDR. Well now, wait, just this summer I had the lead in a-

HWHN. Isn’t that play moving?

CMMDR. Yes.

HWHN. And are you….?

CMMDR. No….

HWHN To my point. So. Again, never having been cast in a part that could pop you, I mean, honestly, it must be a source of frustration. And we wonder if it doesn’t just point to how minor your career is.

CMMDR. Is this the point of this breakfast? To excoriate me?

HWHN. And ultimately, how minor a talent you are.

(Pause.) You’re competent, no one is saying you’re not capable. (Pause.) No one is actually saying anything about you.

The food arrives. The CMMDR starts in, like a rooting hog. To Be Continued.