CMMDR Calling Dept.

-Ring-Ring
Ensign: Yeah?
CMMDR: I just want to say that-
E: ---No, god, no, I'm not talking about that review--
C: ---But he didn't even mention me, not one word about ME--
E: --IT DOESN'T MATTER--
C: It DOES MATTER!!
E: TO WHO? IT's THE FUCKING REVIEW IN THE FINANCIAL TIMES.
C: Yes but, what if you were doing LEAR-
E: NO ONE READS IT!  DO YOU THINK OSCAR EUSTIS IS PORING OVER THE FINANCIAL TIMES FOR ACTORS?
C: --And YOU WERE PLAYING LEAR--
E: THE GUY SAID THE PLAY SHOULD MOVE TO NEW YORK, WHAT THE HELL MORE DO YOU WANT?
C: And he reviewed everyone else. He ignored me.  Listen:  Who's in LEAR?
E: Who's in LEAR? HUH?
C: Yeah, for my example.
E: WHAT?
C: I'm MAKING AN EXAMPLE.  Name them!
E: YOUR EXAMPLE IS RIDICULOUS. THE REVIEW WAS A RAVE.
C: WHO'S IN LEAR? GIVE ME THE NAME OF SOME CHARACTERS.
-pause-
E: Benvolio
C: Okay, let's say you're playing the King in LEAR, the TITULAR CHARACTER-
E: Jesus---
C: --- and the review comes out and it only mentions Benvolio...
E:  Hmmm.  Did I read this review?
C: Yes, you read it.
E: How? Did I have Google alert?
C: I probably forwarded it.
E: Was I upset?
C: Have you met yourself?
E: Is there a picture?
C: Blurry.
E: Just Benvolio? Not Me.
C: YES.
E: Hmm...Does it mention Desdemona?
C: God, yes.
E: Jaques?
C: His whole Seven ages of man thing parsed and praised.
E: PUCK TOO?
C: ESPECIALLY PUCK.
E: Oh, Puck Puck Puck......And the set?
C: LOVED THE WHOLE THREE TIERED CONCEPT.
E: The Nazi uniforms.
C: The Videos.
E: The strobe.
C: The live animals.
E:  The lute?
C: Yes.
E: He liked the lute?
C: Yes.
E:  Really....the lute?
C: Yes.
E: The fucking lute.  I hate that Lute.
C:  Remember the old saying: You can't spell LUTE without U.
-pause-
E: What does that mean?
-pause-
C: Uh-- Oh, there's  CENSORED, got to run.
E: Did I ever tell you about the lunch he and I---
-click-