Sunday, August 14, 2011

Time Out For Curd Dept.


fashion said...
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lower case gothamite said...

Dear Ethicists Who Have Nil,

Thanks for posting the great Ad! I had almost forgotten the efficacy of a well-placed, high octane finger-snap.
Long time, no pester. I've been super busy shaking my money maker in service of same (ads that is).

To which end, question-wise, this one’s a toughie.

I was recently given a callback for a television commercial for yet another pharmaceutical product. However, my agent informed me that before I could attend the callback, I had to answer some questions from the client (member: Big Pharma, natch).

Their questions (for real) were these:
1. Have you ever posed for nude photographs?
2. Have you ever performed in any pornographic films or theatrical events?

I told my agent that I refused to answer those questions until the pharmaceutical company answered mine first.
My questions to them were these:

1. Have you ever been indicted for/convicted of fraud by the U.S. Department of Justice?
2. If so, just exactly how many billions of dollars did you lay out without batting an eye?
3. Have you ever been involved in any consumer class action lawsuits regarding false advertising claims,
personal injury, death or related damages?
4. If so, see number 2.
5. Have you ever been levied a fine for price fixing and/or flagrantly unethical relationships with “independent”
research facilities, the FDA and/or members of Congress?
6. If so, Op. Cit.
7. Really?
9. Where the fuck do you get off??

My questions to you are these:
1. Do you suppose Justice Potter Stewart has ever seen a Richard Foreman play?
2. Could you please refresh my memory & define “light, over-the-shirt, girl-on-girl action”?
3. What should I wear on the first day of the shoot?

Thanx in advance for your full reply,

lower case gothamite said...

Dear Ethicists Who Serve it up Nil-wise,

Hold onto your keyboards, fellas --
I have a follow-up Q regarding yet another Ad-related ethical quagmire.

I accidentally attended a callback for Domino’s Pizza commercial thinking it was really just Pizza Hut (my bad).

My non-sequenced panicky questions follow haphazardly below:

If I book the spot, will everything work out in the end if I donate half my session fee to the National Abortion Rights Action League? What about residuals? Should I worry about that? Am I going to hell for even asking? Or will I just get sent to purgatory? With all the unbaptized dead babies??

Ensign said...

Had the same problem once with P.J. O'Rourke audiobook. Realized, having not read it before session, that it was anti-Hillary Clinton, Head Start, and all things progressive. Very pro, let's see if i get this straight-Golf, republicans, cigars, golf and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and if you don't have bootstraps what the hell is wrong with you or are you a minority? Finishing book I wrote a letter to Mr. O Rourke's publisher saying all my residuals (Yes, Virgina, we had residuals for audiobooks in those days) (they were on cassettes and were IN FACT boos on tape) all my residuals would go to Head Start. I never heard from him. Never heard from the publisher. And never got one dime in Residuals.

However I am A) Still going to hell and B)Would get an abortion if I could.

I hope this answers your question.

lower case gothamite said...

Very well then.
I will see you in hell, sir!