Tuesday, June 28, 2011

See You In Heaven Dept.

1 comment:

lower case gothamite said...

Dear Nil, Nil, Nilson & Nil, LLC.

As you know, while other NYC actors occasionally “Tread The Boards”
I am the gothamite better known to occasionally “Tread The Boreds.”

I speak of course of the craptastically under-seasoned shit stew within which I was recently parboiled.

Misfortune continues to mount like a back ally tomcat.
A few days after our final “bow,” I discovered that my agent had been in attendance to see another client in this olla of offal. Of the five (5) words in this agent’s terse email to me, two (2) were these: “Nice Job!”
Also there was an emoticon present.

As I haven’t spoken to said agent since Feb. 2010, (AND he’s a big fan of Fran Drescher’s “work”)... I decided to pull the trigger on a pretty good idea I’ve been mulling over for some time. Namely, I fired him. By way of return email.

Not to be outdone, the (now erstwhile) agent shot back with a two-page screed -- rife with splenetic drivel, bitter invective, snippy potshots, petty grievances, patently false accusations and similar “shoptalk.”
Again, emoticons were in attendance.

My question is this:
Do I:

A. Print out this document and take a red pencil to it. Correct all the atrocious errors of grammar, syntax and spelling and then return it by way of overnight post?

B. Print out this document and take a red pencil to it. Correct all the atrocious errors of grammar, syntax and spelling and then return it by way of parcel post?

C. Send my final commission payment to him by way of a cardboard box filled with nickels and dimes?

D. Let Go And Let God?

E. Call Fran Drescher’s agent.

I await your sound counsel,
lowercase g.

PS: Does the phrase “You’ll never work in this town again” apply to just Manhattan? Or all five (5) boroughs?