Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Letters Pour In

Dear HWHN:

Hi. I’m a 59 year old male actor who is not very tall nor am I particularly handsome, and I am making a great living doing TV, film, and stage. I’m very happy and get more than enough work, which pays me well.

What the fuck happened to you guys? Nothing? Yeah, obviously!


Best, Joe@kingofimdb

Joe: Everyone has their own unique career. We’re happy everything is going so well for you. We have not been as blessed. And while we are poisoned with self-loathing, it does not mean we can’t feel happy for all your good fortune. Having said that, fuck you, you prick fuck.

Dear Blog:

My wife’s sister recently was diagnosed with schizophrenia soon after her husband was killed by a falling crane. She has no insurance and what little money she has is used treating her two children with severe autism. I would like to help but I’ve been disabled for years, having lost both legs in Iraq. What little strength I have left I care for my spouse, who is recovering from a debilitating stroke. Our son died last year from an e-coli infection and there is no one living near our trailer park to help. My question is: when do you think the Cmmdr and the Ensign will shut the fuck up?


L. Wood

To L. Wood:

How about those Mets?

Dear Ensign, Thank you for taking our letter.

We’re huge fans of an old TV Movie The Keys. In some ways it may be the best television has ever offered. What was craft service like on the set? Were you surprised to be cast? Are you a practicing Jew?

Thank you so much for your time.

The McInernies

Dear McInernies:

(sound of a gun)


Ensign said...


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