A BLAST FROM THE PAST...Remember When the Ensign Had and The CMMDR Didn't? Dept.

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ENSIGN: Hel--
CMMDR: YOU have something.
ENSIGN: -Lo. How are you?
CMMDR: Do the words "NOTHING FOR POKEY" Mean anything?
ENSIGN: I remember a Golden Books story where-
CMMDR: I SERIOUSLY HAVE NOTHING. BUT YOU--
ENSIGN: Please, its not much. There's no money.
CMMDR: Listen Shylock: Tell them about me.
ENSIGN: Tell them What about you? Your Mail collection schedule?
CMMDR: No, NO.
ENSIGN: Your Michael Bay Story?
CMMDR: SHUT UP. No. Tell them about ME. MY CRAFT.
ENSIGN: Craft? You mean like Post-it dispensers made out of popscicle sticks?
CMMDR: No. (pause) Do they sell those?
ENSIGN: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
CMMDR: (panicked) Tell them the CMMDR, the make-up wearing dog-walker, is available.
ENSIGN: I'm sure they'll jump.
CMMDR: Really?
E: NO.
C: You've got to ask them for me.
E: C'mon, Ask What?
C: IS THERE A NEIGHBOR?
E: What?
C: IN THE SCRIPT? Is there an unctuous little vole who lives next door and everyone, you know, mocks.
E: Hmm..
C: "Hi, they delivered this letter to my house by mistake. Can I come in?"
E: No, uh-
C: Maybe someone who borrows something. A Borrowing volish neighbor. Named Jerry?
E: Jerry comes over to borrow something and I mock him?
C: Yes, Jerry comes over for a cup of, i don't know, what do people borrow?
E: Canned Beets?
C: I LOVE Canned Beets.
E: I know.
C: So Jerry comes over for some Canned Beets and has, you know, a COMIC scene with you.
E: How would it go?
C: "Hi, I'm jerry, heh heh, and I was wondering, if its not too much trouble, could I borrow a can of beets"
E: What's the comic part?
C: (pause) My walk.
E: Let me guess--
C: The Lope.
E: Of course.
C: Hey, Hymie, It worked in GREEN CARD.
E: Did it?
C: Yes, It worked...it KILLED.
E: Fine, so Jerry Lopes.
C: He doesn't have to be Jerry. He could be a Dean. OR Corky. Or Wally?
E: Didn't you play someone named Wally on "TOUCHED BY--
C: Or Fred. There's always a guy named FRED. Fred, the friend of the friend.
E: Or the friend of the friend of the friend.
C: Fred, is friends with the neighbor, helping maybe, with the t.v. antennae on the roof. I could stand outside a window and wave.
E: First of all, its an apartment, and no one HAS antennae anymore they--
C: You don't even have to see my whole body. My SHOULDER. I'm waving and you just see my shoulder moving. Before I fall off the roof. I do a great fall.
E: Okay, please, I don't-
C: PLEASE. PLEASE. Just tell them its me. The CMMDR. They'll remember.
-pause--
C: (in a small sad bitter hopeless pathetic meager substandard paltry voice) Death. Please. Now..
-pause-
I could be the DEAD neighbor......
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