Mini-Play "The Visit"

Lights up

Knock on the door

CMMDR: If it isn't the Jew--
ENSIGN: Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just came from the doctor-
C: The Mighty Jew has come from the Dr.---
E: Stop, okay? I'm a little flipped out because--
C: OH, Please, you're fine.
E: I haven't even told you what I--
C: You want some breakfast? I was about to dig in to some lard. You left a feed bag on the top shelf...(screaming) HONEY, WE NEED MORE TOFFUTI BARS.
E: God, that was loud. Where is she? Vancouver?
C: (annoyed and serious) No, if she were in Vancouver she wouldn't hear me. She's in the next room.
E: You know I guessed that. And you needed to tell her about the tofutti bars just then because?.
C: I just thought of it. ANd That bothers YOU because?
E: It doesn't. What bothers me is I think I have a real problem because the Doctor--
C: Do you want to see my 9 show arc on Boston Legal?
E: 9 Shows? Gosh, I don't know, I'm due back in Nyack for the holidays.
C: This won't take--oh, i get it. Don't worry, I'm just showing you MY scenes.
E: OH. I guess that proves Dawkins wrong.
C: Huh? Why?
E: There IS a hell and its in Toluca Lake.
C: Oh shit, look at the time..I have to go to the gym. Did I tell you that I told my cold joke last night?
E: Um...No.
C: It was cold last night and I told my cold joke.
E: Your Cold joke?
C: And everyone laughed.
E: You mean the "nipple-so cold--open a beer with it?" joke?
C: Yes. Have I told you that before?
E: Does the Spoiler Have?
C: Well, everyone thought it was funny.
E: I'm happy for you.
C: Jesus, your sincerity could strip paint.
E: What do you want me to say? I'm having my voice box removed and You told a joke
and people laughed. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY??
C: I want you to say.....I want you to say....Shit, Look at the time, I have to go--
(CMMDR Exits screaming HONEY HONEY....Ensign sobs)
--lights fade--