Abortive Gulf, Chapter One (con't)

“Jesus Brando!” the Ensign exclaimed, soy bean dribbling down his chin.
“Yea,” said the Cmmdr, passing gas.
“I’ll be in the garage.” At that, the small Jew left.
The Cmmdr went to the fridge, grabbed some cold meat, shoved it down his throat, then grabbed some cake, shoved that down his throat, and then walked into his ‘office.’ It was a small room, a chaos of unopened mail, magazines to the ceiling, and thousands of post its stuck to every available surface. The Ensign derisively called it Command Central, and indeed, it was headquarters for the Cmmdr’s day-to-day operations. Such as they were.
The phone rang.
“Hello?’ said the Cmmdr.
It was the Ensign, calling from the garage.
“Remember when we were walking down the mountain up at Sundance and I had the script to Batteries Not Included in my hand and I was so happy?” asked the Ensign.
“Yea,” said the Cmmdr. “It was 1986, and it has an asterix in front of it.”
“What?”
“*batteries not included, no caps, so the title is ‘asterix batteries not included.”
“Well, what happened?”
“We got to the bottom of the mountain, the movie was released, it didn’t do so great, and we’re still at the bottom of the mountain.”
“Thanks.” The Ensign hung up.
The Cmmdr sat at his desk and stared at a note reminding him to ‘Finish Today’s Times!’ But he was feeling a little guilty for not providing a little comfort to the distressed man living in his garage, and so he decided to go out back and visit him. The troll-like actor walked out the kitchen door into the backyard. The mid-day August sun was like a blowtorch, burning the landscape to a fever. Entering the small garage, he found the Ensign sitting with his banjo, strumming a few chords.
“What?!” demanded the Ensign.
“What’s on your docket?”
The Ensign dropped the banjo on the floor. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I thought you said ‘what’s on your docket?’”
“No,” the Cmmdr replied, “I said ‘my butt has a socket,’ you know, everyone’s butt has a socket in a way, the socket is the-“
“I get it.”
Both of the men sighed.