Actual Phone Transcript #45 "IMDB"

Actual transcript

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ENSIGN: WHAT?
CMMDR: Loser here.
E: Seriously, what?
C: Sorry, sorry, sorry, don't want to get the big jew boy MAD. Just wanted to make
sure that we're still on for five-thirty.
E; Are you kidding me?
C: No, I wanted to double-check--
E: Double check? YOU JUST CALLED ME FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO AND ASKED THE
SAME THING.
C: So We're on?
E: What did I say before?
C: You said "yes", but I just wanted to make sure--
E: No, you called for something else.
C: No, I--
E: Yes you did, You can't possibly be calling about when we're
meeting. You just ASKED ME.
C: You're so caustic.
Pause
C: Hello?
E: Yes, I'm here, I'm just re-thinking the whole friendship.
-Pause-
C: I have a question for you.
E: I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT!
C: Do you know anything about IMDB?
E: I know how to spell it.
C: Huh? (PAUSE) Waddy mean? It's I-M-D-B.
E: No, it's I M AN IDIOT. What about it?
C:. None of my credits are right on that thing, I was on BOSTON
LEGAL for three episodes--
E: --Here we go with the ARC--
C: --Yes, the ARC and--
E: , You talk about this ARC every day.
C: Well I did THREE EPISODES.
E: ---(SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH ABOVE) THREE EPISODES-YES, I'm so sick of it----
C: ---and they only list one! And there should be three!
(BIG LONG PAUSE)
E: Yeah?
C; I did three.
E: Yes, I KNOW. I don't understand the problem.
C: So I want all three on there. I tried and I can't get them on.
IMDB won't let me.
E: Why do you care?
C:I care because when casting people look at it they'll go "Hmmm,
he's done a lot of work on that show."
-PAUSE-
C: HELLO?
E: Are you serious?
C: Yes.
E: You really think, when they're mulling over whether to hire you
or Charles what's-his-name, they google IMDB and--
C--YES--
E: -and they say "No, forget it, CMMDR only did ONE Boston Legal, not a
full Trifecta of episodes, how terribly disappointing... let's hire Picardo instead"???
C--No, but---
E: ---Don't you have ENOUGH CRAP on there already--
C --please-
E-- "Oh, look, he was in CHESTNUT, THE STORY OF A
FREAKING HORSE, let's hire HIM!" ???
C-If you had my credits you'd beg IMDB to put them on there.
E-WHAT?
C-You're just jealous because I did LIVING IN WALTER'S WORLD and you
didn't. Aren't you?
(PAUSE)
AREN'T YOU? (Pause)That's not to say that you don't have some good credits too. Heh -heh.
(PAUSE).....THUNDERBOAT ROW to start with....HA HA. I can't wait to see CHERRY CRUSH...HEE HEE.
(PAUSE).....You're no Spoiler, but.....who is....besides the SPOILER,
I Mean.....heh heh.....SAY SOMETHING! (PAUSE) So, BOOTS, are you going to
be there at 5:30? (Pause) (Pause) (Pause)
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