Monday, June 26, 2017

NOSH 4

As they’re being shown to a table-

ENSIGN (to Waitress): Not this one. Can we sit over there?
CMMDR: The restaurant is the size of my car, what difference does it make-
WAITRESS: Is here fine?
ENSIGN: ‘Fine’ is a strong word.
CMMDR: This is great, thank you.
WAITRESS: How are we tonight?
CMMDR: My knee is completely trashed, but it could always be worse. How are you?
ENSIGN: Get me a sparkling water.
CMMDR: Jesus.
ENSIGN: What?!
WAITRESS: And you?
ENSIGN: A diet coke please.
(Waitress leaves).
CMMDR: Happy?
ENSIGN: WITH WHAT???!!!!!
ENSIGN: Notice the Grade on this place?
CMMDR: Yeah, an ‘A.’
ENSIGN: Yeah, they put that out there, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s an ‘A.’
CMMDR: You think their lying?
ENSIGN: We don’t know what’s going on in that kitchen.
(They look at the menu.)
ENSIGN: This menu is filthy.
CMMDR: How are things in Russia?
ENSIGN: That blond, oh God, that blond. She ate some granola then napped. Unbelievable! There were two babes in the corner playing cards but they left after an hour. And one of the brunettes was reading.
CMMDR: How long were you on there?
ENSIGN: Maybe three hours, tops.
CMMDR: ‘Tops’?
ENSIGN: You could just make out a section of one of the brunette’s left nipples, so it was time well spent my friend.
CMMDR: Right.
ENSIGN: I’ll text you the whole thing.
CMMDR: OK.
ENSIGN: Even though it will go on the pile of ‘things the Ensign so thoughtfully sent me but I am too busy doing WHAT???!! to ever look at them.’
CMMDR: I might get the fish.
ENSIGN: I’m an old fucking failure.


( to be continued….)

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